I Have Vaginismus - Need Help Becoming Sexual

Mon, 02/07/2011 - 09:25
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Dr Betty,

I am a 20 year old female who until this morning had never masturbated and completely neglected my genital area all my life, thanks to my upbringing which made me believe it is 'sinful' to even think of touching myself. As of today after coming across an interview on youtube in which you were i guest and finding your site, i am now on the road to learning to love myself. I masturbated for the first time this morning and it was lovely even if it was short and i am yet to find what i would really love.

I have not completed all the steps you've given for first time masturbation because i am a vaginism patient. Therefore i couldnt quite get my finger up my vaginal passage even if it went further up than my one lover so far could. What advice would you give me and what tips could i use?

I look forward to being able to put dildos and several fingers in. My current lover is quite a well endowed man and it has been unfortunate he has not been able to get his penis head past the outter labia. I am very happy with the progress ive made so far and i feel good that i am capable of giving myself pleasure although i know there is still much ground to cover.

I have only just ordered the hitachi magic wand today and it is yet to arrive. I am very excited about it cos i have seem the reviews on what it could do!

If it is of any relevance to the main question, may i mention that I am not yet 100% comfortable with my genitalia and the feelings of penetration although i am about 65%-70% comfortable. Everything is very sensitive and for some strange reason i have a fear that i would hurt myself or damage something (i know this is silly so im training my body to stop thinking like this and to trust my fingers, and sex toys and penises. My clitoris (if it is what i think it is) can only take fingers lightly brushing it and not much more yet.

Your site is a God send! Thankyou so much for the work you do!

Regards from England,

Dear F,

Congratulations on beginning this important journey toward sexual self-knowledge. For now, pay more attention to your clitoris than your vaginal canal. The most important sex toy for you is massage oil without perfume or chemicals and a mirror that stands alone so you can continue to visually observe your vulva.

I would not recommend the Magic Wand for a 20 year old beginner. If you can barely brush your clitoris with your finger, the Wand will be much too strong. The Mystic Wand which is battery operated unlike the Magic Wand (which does not match your electric current) would be a better choice. Remember, vaginal penetration is a secondary form of stimulation. Your clitoris will be the key that unlocks your orgasms.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Painful Vaginal Penetration

Sun, 05/20/2012 - 17:50
Charles Whitcomb (not verified)

I noticed as I was looking up a solution for one of my girls, that nobody has mentioned MRKH as being a possible reason. Often mis-labled as Vaginal Agenisis (poorly formed Vagina) it is actually a complex and varied set of physical situations which can be (and is often) mislabled.

The quick description is that the opening of the Vulva and vaginal canal can be anything from non-existant through a small dimple, to a shortened canal to a full fledged canal with full lubrication, g-spot and everything normal EXCEPT, in all cases there is no Cervix.

Thus there is no exit for Menstrual Flow. Also there will often be more than one uterus, missing other parts and there can be extras or missing bits. In our Male dominated world, the first thing a doctor usually does is suggest building a Vaginal Canal using surgery. But there are some other criteria, associated conditions and problems with health that one would never associate with such a seemingly genital based syndrome.

I would suggest finding a doctor by going through Boston Childrens Hospital of Brigham and Womens Hospital in Boston  and the Center for Young Womens Health there. They can refer to someone near you who knows what they are talking about.
One of my girls nearly got killed by a hack OBGYN who said she only had a "thick Hymen and "A couple of snips here in the office and she'll be right as rain - perfectly normal." Had he done that, he would have entered her abdominal cavity and found organs and not a nice Vagina and Cervix.