I'm Worried About My Penis Size

Tue, 06/28/2011 - 15:49
Submitted by Betty Dodson

dear betty,

The past month or so i have been worried about my penis size. i am 7-8 inches erect but soft i am anywhere from 2-5 inches. i dont know why this is. it seems like all i am seeing these days is 9 or 10 inch hung guys on porn or on the websites i look at. i am a us marine and am currently in an almost perfect long distance relationship with an amazing girl. when i come home we have sex and everything is good. i just have this little pet pieve about it, i know im above average but its hard to be naked around my girl when im not at least semi hard, do you have any advice?

Dear O,

My advice is to appreciate your penis. You are what I'd call "well-endowed" with a 7 to 8 inch dick. That's about perfect. All penises are small when they are at rest. Stop comparing yourself to porn. They pick guys with monster dicks that most women would prefer to avoid. Don't tell me you guys are going to be like all the gals and begin to hate your bodies and your sex organs because they don't looklike porn. When I hear this shit it makes me want to censor porn but I
refuse to get into that posture. Censorship is never the answer! So I'm going to ask you grow up and appreciate what you own.

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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ok, dr D, what is the "near

Tue, 06/28/2011 - 20:12
lsjbaby (not verified)

ok, dr D, what is the "near perfect" dick then? is there one and how do we know it when we see it?


Marias Chaos's picture
Tue, 06/28/2011 - 22:35
Marias Chaos

Another above average man =confused..thinking he's average. That is BIG!
And what matters is your hardness and control! Be careful what ya wish for!


Wed, 06/29/2011 - 05:04
Fond Care

Agree with that Marias C. Seems like you never see posts from actual below average length guys. I could be wrong, and sure do seem unsypathetic, but it often seems to be some sort of "blog flashing". Haha. No harm really.


Wed, 06/29/2011 - 15:00
soapberryusa (not verified)

This guy is showboating or 7 to 8 is his IQ.   Sounds like the latter

in response to lsjbaby

Betty Dodson's picture
Fri, 07/01/2011 - 10:44
Betty Dodson

The "near perfect dick" is one that gets and stays hard long enough to enjoy the sensations and it feels good inside your body. Remember, even a finger inside a vagina can feel great if the owner knows how to move it while providing some form of clit stim. Most women would agree it's who's attached to the dick that matters most. 

Betty's near perfect dick

Marias Chaos's picture
Fri, 07/01/2011 - 14:00
Marias Chaos

Betty's near perfect dick deserves its own SECTION


Fri, 07/01/2011 - 14:40
soapberryusa (not verified)

I believe you deserve a section in the Institute for the Mundanes. You have way too much time on your hands especially by paying homage to  Betty's dick opinions.

Homage to Betty

Marias Chaos's picture
Fri, 07/01/2011 - 15:40
Marias Chaos

I do wish I felt my life were mundane. Then I assume I would have the time to explore all the things I wish I had time to. 

It is nice to come here and get my mind off all the stress I feel in my life.  Unfortunately I feel
overwhelmed with the task of balancing parenting my kids, taking care of a house, and myself, all as a single mom. I have come to realize and accept I am not superwoman and simply have too much on my plate.

Due to an over abundance of responsibilities I have stopped having sex with others and have been trying to improve my self-care by attuning my self-pleasuring abilities.

Yes,  I do love paying homage to Betty, or anyone who brightens my day and enriches my life.

My words don't even capture or express how much this site has helped me. Thanks to Betty I have discovered a lot about my self (not just sexually) and my life has improved in nearly every facet...which in turn has helped my children exponentially.

Single moms

Fri, 07/01/2011 - 15:52
soapberryusa (not verified)

I have often wondered how women find themselves in a situation where they have a number of children and no husband (unless widowed).  I always think "what were they thinking." Seems like a harried lifestyle to me. Boy there are way too many single mom women around today. So goes the modern family.

odd wondering...

Marias Chaos's picture
Fri, 07/01/2011 - 19:16
Marias Chaos

I dont know why I cant fix the font

Response to soapberryusa:

Maybe you failed to word your question or your wonderings in its full entirety. Or I lack the understanding to understand your wonderings. But I shall reply the best I can. The communal answer: choices

For my own personal situation, how I ended up a single mother of 4 is simply due to mistaken beliefs. I plead drugged! Love is one crazy, blinding, and irrational drug! I actually really believed what society had taught me to believe about marriage.  I THOUGHT that I would remain in love with 1 man and 1 man only forever. And I thought that he would also remain in love with me forever.  And we would be together forever.

It is convoluted and irrational to make a promise and to proclaim that you will feel a certain way for another human being for the rest of your life, when you do not have control of your thoughts and emotions and feelings. Yet people do it everyday. We can control how we respond to our feelings, but we cannot control how we actually feel. BUT a good chunk of society has fallen for the  ‘eternal love’ concept! And then people get mad when someone breaks a promise they shouldn’t have made to begin with

Sorry tangent….

It doesn’t really matter who left whom or how or why. If I had believed I was going to end up a single mother I likely would not have proceeded to have 4 children. Though, ya never know. I may have been foolish enough or egotistical enough to think my kids would be well taken care of solely by myself... I for sure was convinced that the man I chose to father my children would always no matter what put our children’s needs first. Same HUGE MISTAKE. People change. We can’t even predict our own future behavior reactions -let alone others!

In my case, my husband (who is the bio father of all my children) literally, spontaneously walked out the front door with just the clothes on his back. He had not indicated previously that he was unhappy, and we had not been fighting or arguing more than what usual couples do.  We had a pretty active sex life...though he didn’t always put out.  He and I had been together for 13+years. He treated me very well for the most part. He played the role of an involved, helpful father and a loving, sweet, romantic husband for many, many years. A few hours later, after he walked out he phoned me and told me he was not coming back home. It was over and that was that. I asked him to consider counseling but he refused and added that if he did come back it would be for the wrong reasons. I think he was right. Right to leave and right not to return. He didn’t love me anymore.

I don't think his behavior since, in regards to the children or myself has been appropriate or even close to ideal. What further complicated the situation is that financially we could not afford to split up. He inconveniently made his spontaneous decision right when the recession hit our pocketbooks hard. This and a few other factors have put a lot of stress on him. Making him increasingly difficult to communicate with.

For me, my personal life has improved. For our kids ...not so much. For them I ache


Fri, 07/01/2011 - 20:09

"What further complicated the situation is that
financially we could not afford to split up. He inconveniently made his
spontaneous decision right when the recession hit ourpocketbooks hard.
This and a few other factors have put a lot of stress on him."

A few years back things were not so peachy for my husband and me. Your quote reminded me of something I said to my husband when he admitted to wanting to leave me because of all the stress we had at the time. I told him I had thought of leaving him too but the fact that we were struggling financially as a couple meant that we would do even worse trying to support 2 households. I also mentioned that by the time we could afford to get divorced, we would probably have no reason to because our problems would have resolved. He actually had the nerve to have hurt feelings regarding that even though he also had the same thoughts.

One thing I'm questioning about your ex, how could returning to his children and trying to make his marriage work be a bad idea? Obviously, what you choose to share online is a personal matter but I think he should have made more of an effort for the children.


That is tough stuff

Fri, 07/01/2011 - 21:08
soapberryusa (not verified)

So sorry! That was quite a bit of soulful information.  I must say your marital lifestyle ended in a draconian and sad situation but you are right.  When it happens like that it is over.  The deed is done. Like Thomas Wolfe said, "You can't go home again."    The emotions can play such tricks on humans.  It most certainly is a drug. So many stories similar but yours was a really a hard hit of reality.  The euphoria of romance may never last like you think it will. That is why it so hard to get involved after a failed relationship when you get older.  You know what may come your way. Like they say you can't help who you fall in love with. It is a tender trap. So much for the everlasting cohesiveness of the modern family. I went out with a teacher once that had been divorced after 22 years of marriage.  She had three kids close in age which she had after ten years of fertility clinics.  Her husband she had know since high school one day decided that he didn't want to be married anymore since he had a girlfriend at work.  He up and left her with the three kids whether she want them or not.  What was funny she still wanted him back no matter what.  She wanted her lifestyle back.  She never did get the fact that it was over.  She started emailing me Bible scripture that said you must be married to have sex. That was the end of that.  I never knew she was that off the track.  This website is a trip for sure.  It gives one perspective on the desires of many others.  I am surprised it is not wilder than it is. You certainly are very liberal.


Fri, 07/01/2011 - 21:15
soapberryusa (not verified)

I am surprised that he didn't make more of an effort.  People today are so damn weak.  My father raised three kids with little money through thick and thin because he knew he had to do it. That is the way people use to be.  Today it is easy to leave.   Our liberal society has little or no accountability. No family principles as it is easy to witness everyday.

What is that?

Fri, 07/01/2011 - 23:00
soapberryusa (not verified)

"One thing I'm questioning about your ex, how could returning to his children and trying to make his marriage work be a bad idea? Obviously, what you choose to share online is a personal matter but I think he should have made more of an effort for the children."
What does the above paragraph mean?

A Question on Measurement

Sat, 07/02/2011 - 09:56
Alan B.

You really accept the guy's measurement at face value?  Virtually every man engages in a little puffery (pun intended) about the size of his organ.  Subtract two or three inches and you have the true length. 
Maybe he has been around size queens who need a real 9"+ for satisfaction.  It is a sensitive guy issue.


Sat, 07/02/2011 - 21:03

What I meant was that instead of leaving, he should have stayed and worked on the marriage since there were 4 children involved instead of just leaving and never coming back. What I meant about Marias sharing things online was that maybe there were things she did not mention because it was not meant for a public forum. I usually don't have time to visit this site until much later in the evening. I'm much better at communicating in the morning.

That's what tape measures are for :)

Sat, 07/02/2011 - 21:07

Yep, I've measured girth and length and 2 lovers who seems insecure. One was average, one slightly larger. I think if I saw a real 9", I'd turn and run the other way.

Holmes and Jermey

Sat, 07/02/2011 - 21:54
soapberryusa (not verified)

I notice in porn that Ron Jermey and Johnny the Wad Holmes (to mention a couple) would sometimes use their hand to keep their dick from going in all the way on some women because I suppose it was too long.  I have seen some that never use their dick at all just oral stuff for it was too big.  I figure that if you can get to the point of having sex it is a moot point about the size at the outset anyway.  If the woman doesn't like it find another one. Maybe a tongue would do just as well.

@ Alan B. Penis Size

Marias Chaos's picture
Sun, 07/03/2011 - 21:06
Marias Chaos

No, I don't take size at face value.

I really don't care about a mans size, unless it is too small. It would have to
be below average to be a deal breaker. Like 3 inches or less and skinny. But
3.5 with average girth ...Bring it on ... or should I say "let me get on!".

Remember that is my standard. Some woman can and really do enjoy less.
Many woman struggle accommodating large. By large I mean average. Cause most
men have no clue that large is 7+. I personally can handle a lot (9 sure), but
I am a baby machine.

I ADORE girth, but it is also not necessary for the best sex. When I look back at the best sex, size had nothing to do with it. Heck half of the time it had nothing to do with his penis! It had to do with effort, skill, hardness, come control, and CONFIDANCE!

The men that drive me the most crazy are men with sexual knowledge and sexual ambition.

Can't remember

Sun, 07/03/2011 - 21:46
soapberryusa (not verified)

I can't remember the guy in old porn Long Dong Tex or something similar had an 18-inch dick he could tie in a knot. Anyway having sex with the same man-woman year after is boring all things considered.  I don't see how you did it. In a college course on the psychology of being by Abraham Maslow it was revealed - a simple principle -  “The release of tension creates sexual satisfaction, tension is created by excitement, excitement is created by strangeness.” Having sex with the same person creates too much familiarity. It would of course depend on your familiarity-strangeness threshold until you get so old you don’t care anymore.  I would imagine some have no need for that “Strange Magic.”

an honest guy...

Mon, 07/04/2011 - 01:06
Alan B.

I'm an honest guy.... I only add 1" to my measurement.  As someone who has switched teams to a permanent gay relationship, I can say that a fit body is more important as long as the shlong is at least in an average range.
Sorry to hear about your relationship.  Most of us have been in relationships which were supposed to last a lifetime and barely make one year.  Of course having kids makes it all that much harder.  At least you've kept a healthy attitude.

Thanks Alan

Marias Chaos's picture
Mon, 07/04/2011 - 01:17
Marias Chaos

I find men add 2 inches to their height if they are under 6 feet. I dont find they add to their cock size.
I am fine with the end to my relationship...what I am not fine about is the heartache my kids are stuck with.

@Heylin & @soapberryusa

Marias Chaos's picture
Mon, 07/04/2011 - 01:46
Marias Chaos

Sorry, had to find the time to reply.



I am surprised
that he didn't make more of an effort.  People today are so damn
weak.  My father raised three kids with little money through thick and
thin because he knew he had to do it. That is the way people use to be. 
Today it is easy to leave.   Our liberal society has little or no
accountability. No family principles as it is easy to witness everyday.

I agree with you fully with that post Soapy. He is weak and society
does have little or no accountability anymore. Which leads me to
ponder/consider whether or not religion could somehow help …but without
spindoctoring the idea that monogamy and marriage is the key.  And of course don’t get me started on the
whole sexual repression thing) .


Well Heylin, I have no trouble sharing. In fact most people feel I could use
a filter for my openness. LOL Just ask Soapy!

I feel no shame and I don’t experience pain in sharing the story of my
situation. The facts are the facts. Problem is I have trouble sharing only part
of the story. I feel to be fair to him I should give a fuller picture.

I didn’t mention, but I do think that a change in jobs contributed heavily
to him wanting out of “the purgatory” (as he called it). A few years before he
walked out he started working at a job that took him out of town for short
(8-48 hour) periods and in the last few months before he left he had spent 2
straight weeks at a time away from home. I think that his time away allowed him
to feel really “free”.

I think that when he came home he felt heavily pressured and unhappy. He
probably felt free of stress and responsibility while away at work. Doing a
job—that pays money, playing video games, smoking, no fighting kids or nagging
wife. No people to lie to or pretend to.

How do you admit to people you are supposed to love, that you don’t want to
be there anymore? That you selfishly want out. That “this isn’t so fun
anymore”. Especially if you are "Mr. Nice Guy” and you really need to be
"Mr. Nice Guy". He is and has always been heavily concerned with his
reputation and couldn’t handle the guilt. So his head twisted things and made
excuses and decided to blame someone else (me).

I was aware of unrest within him. But I thought his dissatisfaction with his
life was an early, mild ‘mid life crisis’. I tried talking to him to find out
what was wrong. I tried to fix it for him. I tried to remind him that we
had four healthy kids. But I was assuming that was his priority/value. If our
kids had been, he wouldn’t have been so frustrated and unhappy.

So there lies part of the answer to your question: Should he have
tried harder? If his heart truly wasn’t in it? Would it benefit our kids to
grow up in a home with a passive aggressive father? He was unhappy with me. Was
he even capable of faking it well? I don’t think so. He had been faking it for
at least 2 years. A month after he left I woke up one day and realized how much
easier it was for me to breathe. His negativity had had a larger effect on me
(and our kids) than I had realized. It felt like I was no longer struggling to
hold him and I up above the waves from drowning.

What I feel he should have done was go get help. Counseling to deal with all
the stress and guilt. Ideally he would at least go now to deal with the severe
venomous hatred he harbors for the mother of his children. That hatred boils
fiercely in him and in turn boils over out of him. It hurts him and kids more
than anything.

Another part of the answer Heylin is: I didn’t want him back.
Not broken. At first yes, I wanted him to come home and then we could discuss
the situation. He rejected that. Then I suggested counseling. He rejected that
also  but I was already doubting the
counseling would work.  I just wanted to
at least try everything we could to keep our family whole for the sake of our
children. I wanted to look my kids in the eyes one day and tell them we did
everything we could. Besides it seemed pretty unreal that overnight my
‘everlasting marriage’ was over.

Furthermore, in regards to me not wanting him back. Not long after he left I
started to see that I had been looking at that man through a pair of
rose-colored glasses for a looong time. LOVE TRULY IS BLIND! (Back
to blaming that darn love drug!)

I’m sure he did some of the things he did willingly and lovingly. Yes, he
helped with laundry and cooking and cleaning. He changed diapers.  But he wasn’t the ‘super dad’ I had made him
out to be in my head... I realized it had been my idea he be a leader
for scouts. He went begrudgingly. He didn’t really like to go to
the park on weekends with the kids.  I
always had to ask him /encourage or cajole him to take a child or 2 with him to
the store if he was off to run an errand.

But he had no putting himself first if he got called to play ice hockey at
the last minute. He didn’t sacrifice a whole lot for our family without me
pushing him to. He certainly had no problem taking handouts.

In the beginning he swept me off my feet. He bought me such sweet and
thoughtful gifts. He came up with some wonderfully romantic and loving
gestures. But later…it was different. He didn’t go out to buy those peanut
buster parfaits or reese peanut butter cups to be sweet to me…but rather to be
able to get away long enough to have himself a cigarette secretly. Not only had
he been living a lie, but also, he had clearly been lying to me about a few

Forgiving lies is very, very difficult for me. Trust right? And when a
person doesn’t even own their bullshit, but instead blames others constantly or
makes excuses… well… How is that desirable?

Not only had my trust in him gone. So had my respect. My one big regret in
life is allowing the two of us to borrow so much money off of my father. My
father worked hard his entire life. My ex shirks the responsibility and refuses
to pay my father back even half of what we borrowed. The ex states that he
needs money more than my dad does and that he is not going to pay my father
back so that my father can simply die next week and just ‘will’ the money back
to me.  Noting that my ex used to tell
people that my father was more of a father to him than his own).

I have to admit I was surprised and even more hurt when the ex turned his
back on my father. My father is 86 now and certainly could use a helping hand
with house maintenance and yard work. I felt that the least my ex could do in
exchange for the thousands (a good 50 grand) we borrowed over the years, was
help the man out a little.

He pretended (lied) to be happy with me and our kids. He went along
with whatever I wanted for most of our relationship. Now he blames me for his
choices. 'It is my fault he didn’t get the life he wanted' 'It is my
fault he couldn't be honest' It is even “my fault he has to smoke to
deal with his stress!’. And now "It is my fault he is struggling
to have a wonderful life with his new fiancé and her 2 kids.

He says he loves our kids but he doesn’t act like it a whole lot.

The truth can be seen in his actions and behavior. He wasn’t just leaving
his wife he was leaving his family.

He makes minimal effort to see his kids over and above the set visitation he
has chosen to take. When he does see them (every third weekend) he doesn’t
spend very much quality time with them. And since he met the woman who is now
his fiancé there has not been one single visit for our kids that didn’t involve
her and her children. Heck, the ‘money poor’ man went do Disneyland in October
with her and her kids. But don’t worry… He brought back souvenirs for our kids.  This behavior doesn’t hurt me personally,
but it stuns me. It does hurt me to think of the pain it causes my children

Did I mention he called social services on me? He really hates my guts. That
caused a lot of anger and unnecessary pain on the kids and I. And now he has
filed for full custody. Not because he actually wants our kids, nor because he
feels I am unfit, but because he doesn’t want to pay me child support.

I can’t imagine what he’s going to do when the judge grants me spousal
support for being a full time stay at home mother for a dozen years.  And just in case anyone thinks I didn’t ever
contribute my share financially. The ex was bankrupt when I met him and we only
got our mortgage thanks to the inheritance money I put down. And of course I
allowed us to borrow my fathers savings.

At the end of the day all I am trying to do is raise some reasonably healthy
kids. Figuring out what is best for them has been difficult and challenging.

Thanks to Betty I figured out my passion in life. Thanks to Betty I found
Eric Amaranth.  And that lead me to
discovering my personal career and life goals. 
Also thanks to Eric I read the book “The Mindful Brain”. Thanks to that
book I have become a better ME and a better mother: A happier attuned person.

Also thanks to this site I have realized I am polyamorous. That
revelation has also helped me greatly by putting me in touch with some amazing
people that have guided me to clarify and see the order and priority of my
values and morals with clarity.

So there ya go..I finally came back full circle in respose to soapberry's original comment about me paying homage to Betty. HAHA



Mon, 07/04/2011 - 08:52
soapberryusa (not verified)

Like the song says "I could write a book” seems like you could - that was some narrative about your marital life. That says a lot and a lot to take in. Noting your insights you could probably do well as a counselor.  Alan B. was seemingly correct when he said, "at least you have a healthy attitude."  I watched a special on TLC years ago about human relationships and sexuality and one of the psychologist noted that it is a wonder that anyone can have a realationship considering how divergent human personalities are considering so many are reared and grown in different environments and then adding brain chemistry you really have a roll of the dice. Today it is such a house of cards. It's throw away relationships. It is so easy to do.  It's our affluent society as is written in Walter Kerr's book: "The Decline of Pleasure." It is a bummer for sure. And so it goes.

Thanks for the reply Marias

Mon, 07/04/2011 - 10:27

Your ex sounds like a loser, I guess love really is blind. I'm very sorry for the pain it's causing your kids.
I really resonated with "A month after he left I woke up one day and realized how much

easier it was for me to breathe." My first husband and I were living with my parents at the time and they asked him to leave, I guess the understanding would be that he would find a place and then my child and I would join him. A couple of days after he left, I was at work wondering what this strange emotion was that was causing me to have a bounce in my step and a smile on my face. It actually took me a while to realize that it was happiness. When I realized I had truly forgotten what happy felt like, I realized I had to get out of the marriage. It wasn't a case of a rough patch, it felt that if I stayed married to this man, my soul would die. Fast forward and we have both remarried and are much happier now.
It sounds like you are happier too, not having to maintain a fading facade.


Marias Chaos's picture
Mon, 07/04/2011 - 10:39
Marias Chaos

haha, What kind of counselor? I am not very good at listening, but doling out my opinion, hand me a microphone. I don’t think that is what a counselor does?

Sounds like another book for me to read. Thanks soap.


Marias Chaos's picture
Mon, 07/04/2011 - 10:58
Marias Chaos

I am happier in certain ways

  • not having to live with his negative energy, he had a lot.
  • no longer trying so hard to make another person happy
  • being aware of what is real and important to me and my life. YAY reality.

But, had to deal with the pain and loss  of my best friend. He was mine. So that was a bit of a grieving process. And trying not to feel overwhelmed with my children’s anger, hurt and pain. Trying to be the best me so I can be a better mother. Not easy. Not enough time in the day! I need to learn to pace myself. Darn it! Life keeps moving and I have to keep addressing problems...and do laundry!

I am glad you both ended up happier. It is hard for people to actually accept they are not in the best place once they have subscribed and committed to the idea of marriage. Even harder when you have already had kids. Think of that Heylin. What if you realized that you needed to get out for the sake of your soul, but you had kids?

I try to imagine this is what my ex had to do. I also try to imagine that since then he has struggled with his self-esteem and self respect. Hence his poor behavior. I don’t believe he is capable of dealing with his reality and pain. He didn't have a great life. In many ways hes still a child, looking to be loved, nurtured and mommied. I feel sorry for him...


The essense

Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:02
soapberryusa (not verified)

You can capture the essense of an issue right away it seems.  No dilly-dalling for you.   Maybe then you could be an advocate or director for women's family issues that way you could do a lot of analyzing and talking. 


Marias Chaos's picture
Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:03
Marias Chaos

That is true and you made me laugh out loud for the first time today! thanks

We were practically children at the time ourselves Marias

Mon, 07/04/2011 - 13:57

 Luckily we only had one child who was still a baby when we separated and later divorced, but to be honest, we never got along even when we were dating. We did not have a happy marriage that was blindsided, we had a miserable marriage from the very beginning. I felt like ending the marriage would allow us to be better parents because we would no longer need to work on a relationship.
If current hubby blindsided me like that, well, I doubt I would handle it as well as you.

And what is it about the laundry, does that shit multiply in the hampers or something? I've got 5 baskets full of stuff to be folded and a few more loads to do. :(