Stimulating My Clitoris Doesn't Bring Me in the Direction of an Orgasm

Thu, 02/05/2015 - 08:59
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hello!

First of all: this is a wonderful page and I already read and found a lot of really helpful things.

Now to my question. I've never had an orgasm and really want to change that. It's not that sex is not enjoyable without it, but I think it could be much more fun with coming orgasm...I've tried masturbation several times, last with your article "First Time Orgasm". The problem is, stimulating my clitoris (with fingers or while licking) doesnt really bring me in the direction of a climax. It feels good but nothing more, I dont even get wet from that.

The only time I feel that there's arising something is when rubbing on a pillow for example. I feel something overwhelming coming, but then from one second to another the feeling is gone and I cant get it back anymore.

Do you have any suggestion for me? I would be really thankful!
Best, M

Dear M,

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again! And keep trying until your brain relaxes and bodily sensations become more noticeable. Your fingers don't work because you are accustomed to the pressure of humping your pillow.

"when rubbing on a pillow for example. I feel something overwhelming coming, but then from one second to another the feeling is gone and I cant get it back anymore."

That is your beginning orgasms. Because you are holding a bigger expectation, you are denying those beginning little comes with good feelings. Our ideas and expectation of what an orgasm will feel like are exaggerated thanks to porn or romantic literature. Once we acknowledge those little comes they will grow.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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My impression of the

Mon, 02/09/2015 - 07:09
Jeffrey65802 (not verified)

My impression of the difficulties women have achieving orgasms is they're almost always psychological. If you can make it feel good by yourself, just not during partner sex, obviously the plumbing works just fine but some mental obstruction is going on keeping you from enjoying yourself. In our society and culture which still profoundly discourages women from enjoying sex, the obstacle isn't hard to imagine. So my suggestion is learn to orgasm on your own first. Once you get good at that, look to achieving it during partner sex. A good lover will want you to cum and not resent your masturbating during sex or using a vibrator on yor clit during say. Besides, women don't typically orgasm because of anything having to do with the penis or penetration. It's all clitoris (more or less.) Men therefore don't "make women cum," we just get to help a little bit. :)