Are My Sex Dreams Ruining My Relationships?

Tue, 07/12/2016 - 06:58
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Betty,

I've been having trouble sticking to the right guy for more than a few months. I'm currently single drowning myself in romance novels and having a recurring dream for the past two weeks.

In my dream I don't know this person and, i barely look at him. I feel so much pleasure during the dream. I wake up and I am all hot and sweaty even with the AC on.

I've looked up online what recurring sex dreams are about, but nothing pawns out. I'm feeling like it's getting in the way of finding a guy or even getting out there. Maybe has to do with drowning myself In romance novels and wanting what the author writes. Hope you have a wonderful day stay cool!!!


You answered your own question. The two deadliest elements against sexual happiness are Porn and Romance novels. Both are forms of sickness that infests our sex roles of "You Tarzen, me Jane."

The best practice is to have your own fantasies while actually masturbating with pleasurable sensations. Consciously visualize your next boyfriend DETAILS while playing with your vibe. Thats how I've manifested a large part of my fabulous sexual life.

Yeah Baby, I'm cool


Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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My subjective reality either hears or distorts another’s meaning

Wed, 07/13/2016 - 11:49
feminist indignation (not verified)

Betty, not being a New Yorker from Kansas I am not sure what the imagery you want us to infer from "You Tarzan, me Jane."

I think I get this fairly clearly, “The two deadliest elements against sexual happiness are Porn and Romance novels. Both are forms of sickness that infests our sex roles…” Since romance novels are contrivances to stimulate our emotional neurological response in ways that are not characteristic of how humans relate to themselves these works of fiction leave us with a factious understanding of relationships. Thus the misconceptions of human attachment and human sexuality portrayed in these books give us distorted models for being with one another. Thus there's a “sickness that infests…” our well being within people between people and as community.

Often Tarzan books/movies are characterized as distortions of culture and cultures. Given age and nationality differences the Tarzan quote might be misunderstood.

What is the significance of "You Tarzan, me Jane."? Is it a metaphor meant to illustrate the over simplification of relationships and culture that could be attributed to porn, romance novels, and Tarzan books/movies themselves?

Or does "You Tarzan, me Jane” mean here we are unique as distinct people in relationships. That as distinct people we have our own expressions to explore, and that how we actively develop these expressions with others is the hart of our emotional existence not some contrivance of emotional connection put forth in romance novels and porn?

Or in your use of "You Tarzan, me Jane" do you want us to know there is something very base about male and female characteristics of relationship that is over looked in scripting porn, romance novels and likely Tarzan too?

Just how I process the Tarzan quote with my own subjective reality is how I either hear your true meaning or distort what you want me to know.

delectable dream dalliances

Fri, 07/15/2016 - 15:21
bila kolbe

Greetings E, Ah the dreamscape, your unfettered emotions and passions given freeagent status to roam through the contours of your dreaming mind. Your dreams are as real as the experiences you have in waking reality, treat them both with acceptance and reflection. How fortunate you are to have such delectable dream dalliances, they are helping you to realize your sexual fantasies and desires so you can enjoy even more your dalliances in physical reality. Consider your dreams an integral part of who you are, experiences that are deposited into your identity, into the wealth of who you are. Your dreams will add to your understanding of who you are and how you relate to others. Treasure them. Enjoy them. The right man will appear, in the meantime, enjoy yourself. Dream on...

I love the way you nit pick at the meaning of words.

Betty Dodson's picture
Sun, 07/17/2016 - 12:27
Betty Dodson

"You Tarzen, me Jane" is meant to demonstrate our unconscious roles of male and female. Tarzen was strong, all knowing while Jane was rather helpless and totally dependent on him. She was in a jungle she knew little about. While Tarzen was very much "at home" with his tribe of apes who had taught him how to survive. Semantics is alway worth looking at and always very difficult to sort out. I could have said, "Men are strong and women are weak. Therefore we need men." Actually the opposite is often true. Women can endure more stress, pain, stife, etc as we must birth the next generation.

Betty, Yes, I too, love to hear and be heard. ! It feels Good !

Mon, 07/18/2016 - 13:39
feminist indignation (not verified)

Thanks helping me clear up my misunderstanding. Your words were spoken (written) just fine. If you felt I was nit picking as our English teachers used to do, please, please forgive me as my intention was just to understand; understand your wisdom - achieve mutual understanding of your truth. It is just that we hear other people’s words through the lens of our own experiences and subjective reality. When thinking about lazy afternoons of my youth and Johnny Weissmuller (Tarzan for younger folks) my current reflections are likely different from yours. That’s why I wanted to check meaning with you. Yes, I too, love to hear and be heard.

So just too clarify, it sounds like I got your meaning for this part “The two deadliest elements against sexual happiness are Porn and Romance novels. Both are forms of sickness that infests our sex roles…” but really missed what you wanted known about Tarzan. Please let me check again to see if I got it this time.

So your "You Tarzan, me Jane" is representing a power imbalance between men and women. By inference I am hearing that you are saying that in the literature of your culture this perception is manifest. Manifest perhaps just as much in Somerset Maugham or James Bond as it is in porn or romance novels. Somehow women are passive, to be wowed and men are to wow, being all knowing; leaving the woman with little agency or power. Agency to be her self and in your special area of interest; understand, explore and enjoy her sexual self.

Is that more to the way you wanted your words, "You Tarzan, me Jane", heard? Or are there other things you want me to understand?