Betty's Barbell: From Cool & Heavy to Slick & Hot

Thu, 06/02/2011 - 08:54
Submitted by Marisa Black

Upon entering a sex shop, I usually head right to the glass and metal dildo displays. After running a fingertip along the length, I like to pick one up to feel the weight in my hand, imagining how it would feel inside me.

Drawn to sleekness and heft, I bought Betty Dodson's Vaginal Barbell. This particular instrument has played a significant role in my ever-widening sexual universe.

The ways I experience sex have grown from a specifically-administered regimen that guaranteed orgasm to an array of options. After homo and hetero encounters expanded my solosex reality, I added varied sensations, powerplay and pain, anal stim, group sex, shared and witnessed masturbation.

But the most symbolic development to date is the latest: learning to orgasm with my legs open.

Sure, I've faked plenty of orgasms with my legs open, especially with heterosex partners. No need to linger over the whens and whys on that issue. It's possible that I experienced a small handful of genuine orgasms open-legged, but they were fleeting anomalies, bizarre rather than revelatory.

My tried-and-true method, as I outlined in Being Responsible for My Own Pleasure, is the thighs-together pressure orgasm. For most of my life, any and all clit stimulation had to be indirect. Fairly recently, I purposefully opened up my sexual repertoire, as described in Operation Touch My Clit. Acquiring direct clit stim took time. A left-side fetal pose was the way I comforted myself to orgasm. Patient practice was helpful in changing that habit.

When I added Betty's barbell, it was like a key slipped into a lock. Oh, yes. This.

It is stainless steel and weighted at one end. The weight is a feature I particularly appreciated because when inserted vaginally, it stays put. I feel rooted, grounded, full.

Contracting and relaxing my pubococcygeus (PC) muscle, squeezing and releasing against the smooth metal, I found these so-called Kegel exercises easy and pleasurable. The weight caused the toy to rest against my pelvic floor, and with a hand mirror I could see the barbell lift and drop as I contracted and released. Having something to work against kept me engaged, contracting again and again. Studying the enclosed booklet, I practiced the movements described, like rocking my hips forward and back, coordinating my breathing, adding clitoral stimulation.

That first time I purposefully brought myself to orgasm with open legs, my eyes welled with tears. It was almost as though I had come for the first time.

Before, my orgasms felt completely private and enclosed. Even when a lover was involved, penetrating me, my legs would find a way to clamp together, the pleasure ricocheting between my swollen lips, contained within me as I curled around myself.

Taking an open posture was exhilarating and overwhelming. It felt like a beam of light exploded from my vulva, over my belly, between my ribs, up my midline, over my throat, and out the top of my head. My pulse drummed in my ears and arms flailed to my sides, limp.

Besides the physical sensations, learning to come this way created a spaciousness, of being available on levels beyond the body or brain. It opened up realms of possibility, for self-prompted orgasms, for sharing orgasms with others, and for taking a posture of vulnerability and openness that reverberates through other aspects of my life.

I still fight the urge to automatically revert to what I've always known. All orgasms are pleasurable, and I find the postures I take reflect how I'm feeling. When sad or hurting, I do tend toward the fetal curl. When excited or nervous, my knees gape open. The variations in my garden of postures are growing.

Though I don't use it every time, I regularly come back to Betty's barbell. I slide the cool, heavy end inside me, a lubricated key in a slippery lock. In a matter of minutes my heat transfers to the metal, and when I take it out, sated, it is hot in my hand.

Finding room for all of me

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Dee this is so well written,

Betty Dodson's picture
Thu, 06/02/2011 - 10:44
Betty Dodson

Dee this is so well written, I had to read it twice. Barbell promo aside, the struggle to orgasm with open legs is universal. Your blog will inspire many I'm sure. Again I must say, well done Sister, well done.

@Betty: The barbell arrived

Thu, 06/02/2011 - 11:45
Marisa Black

@Betty: The barbell arrived at my house almost a year ago, and it's been an awesome journey so far of opening up. Always more ways to open, and be comfortable being open.

I am male and i wondered

Thu, 07/14/2011 - 22:53
Anonymus (not verified)

I am male and i wondered myself do women need men anymore because of this big advancement and development of science which invented vibrators,dildos...So,i want to know what is women opinion on this topic?Do you need and will you need men?is our time running out? 

@Anonymous: Do I need men? Do

Sat, 08/20/2011 - 10:35
Marisa Black

@Anonymous: Do I need men? Do women in general need men? I am not sure I can answer your questions sufficiently. I could turn the question to you. Now that science has developed the Fleshlight and other male masturbation aids, do (straight) men "need" women?

It seems like your question assumes that women would "need" men for their phallus or for sexual pleasure (given that you say that vibrators and dildos may be supplanting women's "need" for men). Even if I forgive your use of the generic "women" although you seem to mean "straight women," the question is moot, at least in terms of how I see the world.

I believe this website is about empowering sexual pleasure for individuals, and sometimes having a tool (like a vibrator or a dildo or a fleshlight or a butt plug . . . or better yet, a combination of tools) can help achieve that sexual pleasure. When we persist in a paradigm of "needing" another person to supply sexual pleasure, we find ourselves in a loop that can't find wholeness or completion. I have found that sexual fulfillment comes from within. To whatever extent I am full, I can share that fullness with a sex partner, of whatever gender.

I am new here and really not

Tue, 03/28/2017 - 12:53
Hally (not verified)

I am new here and really not an expert on sexual subjects. I do however want to make a comment on men, and especially my husband Paul. He could never be replaced by anything. I do like my alone time to play with myself and enjoy the pleasure I get from it at the pace I choose with the items I select to use. That said, I need my partner Paul to hold me, kiss me, and stroke me like I can't do myself. This world is wonderful because I have unique ways to be pleased and to please others. Really would love to hear someones view on the Bodysex Workshops.