Overcoming Procrasturbation

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 09:27
Submitted by Marisa Black

“Five orgasms a day,” I said, barely glancing up from my knitting. “Minimum.”

Her eyes grew large.  ”How do you manage that?” she asked.

“Two orgasms upon waking, two before sleep, and at least another one sometime during the day. It keeps me happy. I’m in a much better mood when I cum regularly.”

She sounded confused. “But you don’t live with anyone; how do you have sex before and after sleep to get your orgasm quota?”

I looked up, surprised at the question. “The five orgasm minimum is self-generated. When I have time with a lover, often that number goes up. I reach my orgasm quota by myself, no problem.”

In the Bodysex DVD, I describe my self-generated orgasm as my longest companion. It’s been a nearly-daily practice, a physical meditation and release. I can (and do) crow about how much I love solo sex. I can cheerlead and rah rah my way to a Dr.-Jocelyn-Elders-style promotion. And May, as Masturbation Month, feels like a personal monthlong holiday.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a masturbator. I am not sure when I started to creep into being a procrastinator, but certainly by my undergraduate college years I’d embraced procrastination. My living space was remarkably clean during final exams. And long-lost friends often received emails or phone calls in the hours before a paper was due.

Over the last few years, I’ve also emerged as a procrasturbator. It’s become a problem.  Not a big problem. Not an insurmountable problem. Maybe only a tiny problem. But yeah, a problem. What was, in the earlier years, a motivator to accomplish goals, has lately become an interference. Or, more accurately, my relationship to it has interfered.

My companion, the self-generated orgasm, remains pristine, a clear vessel, pure pleasure that cascades through my limbs and my core, sensation skipping up and down my spine. 

But I must confess that I sully my companion when I use it as a too-often escape from reality, from responsibilities, and yes, from emotional pain. How often have I been late to an appointment because I want to cum “just one more time!” before getting into the shower or heading out the door? Sadly, more often than I would like to admit.

When I was younger, solo sex was the reward. I adored the sensations of self-pleasure, and that’s what I dangled above tasks that needed accomplishing. Finish a work project? Have an orgasm! Read a chapter in an assigned book I’d rather ignore? Have an orgasm! Do my least favorite chores? Sit down at the piano to practice the Clementi piece that was challenging me? Any of the tasks I dreaded – they all deserved an orgasm as a reward.

Which is fine. Great, even. I see no problem with orgasm-as-reward. I’m also familiar with orgasm-as-motivator, when I’ve been glued to my bed with depression, and the flush and rush of cumming shoots enough happy brain chemicals to get me up and into my day.

But I think in recent years I’ve traversed too far into the motivation camp and too far from the reward camp, as now I masturbate before I do the chores or go to a meeting or handle a challenging phone call.

Over the last month, I’ve found myself intensely busy, with barely a moment to myself in the midst of days that begin at 7am and often end after midnight. This has put a serious cramp in my five-a-day orgasm habit. I’ve tried to masturbate at night, only to fall asleep on myself, too tired to fuck.

In the midst of this busy-induced dry spell from my masturbatory companion, I’ve gained new perspective and further appreciation for the wonder and glory that is my solo sexlife. When my busy schedule eases up, and I find myself with more time on my hands (and more time to put my hands down my pants), I am betting that I won’t take my orgasms for granted, or squander them. And hopefully I’ve broken the incessant procrasturbation habit.

Oh, my sweet masturbatory companion, how I have missed you. Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon, showering you with rose petals and caresses and tender coos.

(photo courtesty of Mark Gamba)

Finding room for all of me

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Wonderful use of masturbation, better than food or cigarette

Mon, 12/02/2013 - 15:40
Martha B (not verified)

What a wonderful story Marisa Black submitted. I never though of masturbation as a reward. Five orgasms a day is a respectable and achievable goal. We too often use food, candy, cigarettes, and alcohol as a reward, on depend upon others to reward us.  These other rewards are unhealthy and often don't come when we need them.  But we can always come on our own and it is healthy and good for us. As a reward, we will need to masturbate more often to substitute for the other less healthy rewards we have become so used to in our lives. Five is a good, sustainable goal. Also, an excellent way to instill a masturbating lifestyle that will stick with us and benefit us long into adulthood.

I once dated a much younger gentelman who was still in college, I was 35 at the time. He was having trouble focusing and studying. Just for fun, I damanded I would masturbate him everytime he studied his chapters for each class. He had to study for more than an hour to count. He started studying hard after that and I masturbated him more and more.  He loved it. I never thought about until now but he became very diciplined after that, always studying then masturbating.  His grades are better and he is a lifelong masturbator now.


Finding time for orgasms

Thu, 12/05/2013 - 14:48

Very interesting, Marisa. I think we've all used sexual pleasure in several ways: as a reward for completing a difficult task, as a way of avoiding that task, or for its own, pure essence. I'm not sure I can function sexually according to a schedule, though. I've had five orgasms in a day, but that may not be so feasible as a daily practice for those of us who live with family members, for example, or (as in my case) help take care of someone with medical problems. These days I'm pretty happy with two or three. If we had only ourselves to focus on, keeping to an orgasm schedule might be easier, but I personally find timetables to be tyrannical and I eventually always rebel aganst them. Sometimes we might have to focus on quality rather than quantity, given how complicated our lives can be.

Masturbating with women's magazines and the NewYorkTimes 5 times

Wed, 02/05/2014 - 10:46
Hillarycrossdresser (not verified)

Hello, I agree about masturbating 5 times a day as an achievable and respectable goal. I start off by masturbating in the morning at least twice with the New York Times newspaper by stroking my powdered cock inside the newspaper styles section until volcanic orgasm which always feels like the first time, everytime, then I switch to all the women's magazines and take turns masturbating with them.. Woman'sWorld, Woman'sDay, weightwatchers, Ladies'HomeJournal, GoodHousekeeping, redbook, SELF, the OPRAH magazine, ESSENCE, COSMOPOLITAN!!! Glamour, ELLE, Harpers BAZAAR, VOGUE, and Seventeen,, for Women FIRST and any others!!! I orgasm at least 5 times using all these magazine and the erotic NewYorkTImes, especially the Sunday NewYorkTImes using the whole newspaper stroking it or the magazine  and Book Review!! Its a healthy and rewarding practice and Im a lifelong masturbator, starting from early teens with SEVENTEEN and my mothers women's magazines!!! (With her approval too!!), Used to love McCall's and Mademoiselle too...

Exciting journalism

Wed, 02/05/2014 - 14:55

I'd imagine that the folks who put out these magazines would be flattered that you're so into their publications, so to speak. The New York Times inspiring such passion---who'd have thought it? But you'd better avoid Marie Claire or the French edition of Elle; the strain could be too much. :)

Proud of you and ahead of the curve

Mon, 10/20/2014 - 11:37
james s (not verified)

I was so thrilled reading your masturbation biography and happy for you. So honest and in tune with yourself;  A beautiful expression of liberation for us all.  You are strong to accept and embrace your needs by masturbating in the face of an all-to-judgemental, fraternalistic view of a woman's place in our culture. It is a real credit to you and actually helps us all advance with each masturbatory orgasm you express.
Rest assured that you are far from alone and we want you to keep masturbating. You deserve that.
Rest assured that it is healthy and so necessary and has really become the new normal. I never thought I would see that in my lifetime but am so happy I have. I am especally proud of the newer generations who are more educated about this, data driven, and so have not yielded to old folklore of past generations.
So many women, and men too, have stood up to those old, out dated, Elizabethan,  cultural misconceptions, and now masturbate as you do- Bravely grabbing on to develop and push the envelope of their orgasmic potential. 
This helps push the envelope of what was considered normal, giving those who are not as brave the permission they are seeking, and need so much, to start masturbating more.
With the popularity of masturbation books, clubs, classes, support groups, retreats, marathons, masturbation online with your date, etc., it is really the norm.  Masturbation sites and chat rooms are the most frequented services on the web.  Statistics from both usage data and self reporting reveal that these huge numbers of normal men and women almost always progress to masturbating several times a day and rarely ever go back.  
So, for yourself and for all us who might not masturbate as often if not for brave women like yourself, please don't allow your busy schedule to encroach in what is so import and necessary for your body and mind. Invite that "sweet masturbatory companion" of yours back in and make time to masturbate yourself to those liberating orgasms you so need.

5x a day is all we ask!

Thu, 02/01/2018 - 15:25
Paul Nelson (not verified)

Loved Marissa's post and Marti's comments!  While I have kept pretty good records for my 35 years of masturbating, my average frequency took a dip in my 30s, before increasing in my 40s.  I am probably averaging about 4 times a day now.  I can honestly say that my increase has been a result of getting better and better at self love.  I love rewarding myself with an extended evening of pleasure or an occassional "mental health day" where I really go to town and stroke myself into alterted states of bliss!  I can see myself increasing to 5 or more times a day as I get older and have less responsiblities.  It is lovely to see that others feel the way I do.