As I Age, Wrinkle, Sag & Grow a Bigger Belly, I Refuse to be Invisible

Thu, 08/18/2016 - 07:13
Submitted by Rebekah Dyana

I have a woman’s body and it has been a delight to be in my body all my life. Well, not always every minute have I enjoyed the changes of my body. I have been thin, I have been fat, and in between those two. I have judged it unfairly as I look at past pictures of myself when I thought I was unattractive. I was in “the boxing ring” with my body and looking back I see I could have made better use of my time. I could have had a lot more fun instead of the constant worry about this or that fat roll or impossible cellulite. All that said, I feel and know that, in general, I have enjoyed many aspects of my body.

I love its softness and its miraculous ability to create life. I have never been more in love with my body when pregnant with my daughters. I love having breasts, their capacity for pleasure, their ability to make milk to grow a human being. It was hard for me to let go of the nursing of my babies. That kind of bond is irreplaceable. And finally, the capacity to be multi-orgasmic. What a supreme life long gift that is!

However, I received a portent from my mother that one day this body of mine that I have loved, and honestly at times not so much, would not be so well received by the culture. In her late fifties, she said to me, “I’m becoming invisible to other people.”

To hear this bothered me, because my mother is smart, open-minded and has been an inspiration for me to learn and grow as a person. She has also been my biggest fan for most of my endeavors. Her presence is BIG in my life, the opposite of invisible.

Now that I am in my sixties, I understand my mother’s words. When in a group of people, I am aware that often I am UNSEEN. This happens even though I am a bigger woman who takes up space. The reasons are multilayered. One, my bigger body is unacceptable within the culture; two, my aging face with its wrinkles is considered unattractive and three, the fact that I am a woman. We, as women, are too often judged, by ourselves and others, by our body’s and our face’s appearance.

Once I open my mouth, though, it’s hard to unsee me. I’m loud and opinionated and truly love all things sexual, things women are not supposed to openly be. It’s hard to turn a deaf ear to me though people try and do. However, the rebel in me is alive and not to be tamed, no matter all the bodily changes I inhabit in this process of aging. Every day, more and more, I become impassioned to turn the tide against the daily damaging onslaught of messages given we women. When I speak my truths, my bold and overt action feels akin to the parting of the red sea.

I want women to accept their bodies AS THEY ARE. I want women to know about their sexual parts, their proper names, how they function, to claim their independent orgasms and enjoy the pleasures of their bodies. The body is all important as our gift in this one life we are given. We bleed, give birth, and fuck with abandon if we are lucky. This culture we live in, though, is vehemently anti-natural body.

Shoved into our faces and burned into our consciousnesses are the glaring unrelenting messages to keep at bay cellulite, large bellies, thighs and hips, wrinkles, sagging breasts and double chins or else we are not sexy and alive.

This is a BIG FAT LIE.

The older woman AND even the younger woman cannot keep these eventualities away unless she spends all her time and money trying to do so and even those efforts fail in time. I want to stop the beast in its tracks, that monster that has LOTS of money to lose, power to divest, and BIG egos to shed by speaking the truth, embodying the truth.

The media, which is the pictured voice of the beast, is not promoting the real serum of longevity and aliveness because it is something that is FREE! They cannot profit from it. That elixir is not in a bottle or a pill. It is within us and ours to give ourselves and it starts with desire, builds with arousal and pleasure and sustains with orgasm.These are the juices and the natural born gifts that create happy lives.

There was a time when the elder experienced women taught the youthful society of pleasure. Her wrinkles, big belly and aging everything were not seen as something to be unseen. They were aspects of beautiful wisdom. Sexual repression has nearly completely destroyed this natural way of knowledge being passed down to the next generation.The media’s promotion of the perfect-youthful-body-and-face is fueling this destruction.

The pleasure activists of today are the elder pleasure activists of the morrow. My concern for them and the rest of society is that the media and its message that natural aging is NOT beautiful NOR SEXY will destroy their credibility as elder teachers.

I love younger women. I birthed three of them and am the grandmother of three wee ones. I sit in circle naked with young adult women, both listening to them and speaking my truth. Without them I would not be writing this as they support and believe in my message and me. They hold me up and I them.

I have a lot of cellulite, a double chin, big thighs, hips and belly. Naked, I look like one of those ancient stone goddess figurines. As I said before, I am a bigger orgasmic woman who takes up space. I speak OUT LOUD about sex and pleasure, because I know that our power as women is to claim it openly and abundantly.

I will not be invisible. Not ever.

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you're as beautiful as you feel

Thu, 08/18/2016 - 08:57
bila kolbe

Dear Rebekah, I loved your blog and pic. Here are three quotes that blend well with your powerful message. Journey well, Bila
Carole King(song): "You're as beautiful as you feel!"
Ghandi: "No one can take your self-worth away unless you give it to them."
Helen Gurly Brown: "Beauty is an attitude."


Thu, 08/18/2016 - 09:27


Thank you for posting such a strong and honest blog.

As a mother of two teenage girls, the problem seems to be getting worse rather than better. I see them facing such incredible pressure to "appear" rather than simply "be". There is such constant attention to their physical appearance, such extraordinary body shaming in a way I just can't remember facing 25- 30 years ago. 

As you say, women get older and at some stage the constant attention, the judging, the nitpicking suddenly disappears and women can feel themselves made invisible.

It can feel disorientating, disempowering and yet don't you think it can also feel like such a relief to finally be allowed to just be ourselves and get on with our lives without the constant assumption that we're just here to entertain, to be pretty for someone else.  

Maybe being invisible is better than the constant harrasment young girls and women are subject to in society but why on earth can't the world just chill out and let us be people, just simple straightforward human beings living our lives.

Being a Woman

Mon, 10/10/2016 - 17:23

This article is so right on! And your picture is beautiful! I feel much better about myself because of this article. I am a WOMAN! Thank you!

Being a Woman

Mon, 10/10/2016 - 17:23

This article is so right on! And your picture is beautiful! I feel much better about myself because of this article. I am a WOMAN! Thank you!


Mon, 02/27/2017 - 20:41

     Rebekah, There is something refreshing and very erotic in what you wrote. All to often in today's society we are surrounded by such woefully manufactured views of how women should be, it is no wonder women have issues about body image. As a black male I applaud you and must state your confidence and omg that picture has me aroused to the point of dripping precum. Sorry if I am being too graphic. Needless to say I need to engage in a little fantasy and self-pleaure. 

My opinion.

Thu, 03/02/2017 - 07:50
Ron Bennett (not verified)

I don't know if this is ok, but in my opinion you're a VERY beautiful.women.
I'm a plus size guy married to a VERY sexy plus size women, and you BOTH remind me of how beautiful a women can be.
Thank you both !

your message

Thu, 03/02/2017 - 10:28
rebekaydyana (not verified)

Dear DarkReign, Thank you so much for your support and appreciation! I don't mind at all how my body makes you feel erotic. I have heard this more often than I thought I would and it makes me happy that people, especially men like real bodies. All is not lost!

You are most welcome

Fri, 03/03/2017 - 17:15

          And no trust me all is not lost. There are still real people out there. I am a little of an exhibitionists/voyuer. If you are ever curious let me know. And I will show how well appreciated your curves are when I engage in my fantasies.