What Should I Do About My Sexless Marriage?

Fri, 12/02/2016 - 14:18
Submitted by Carlin Ross

Never deny your sexuality.

My wife is a prod masturbator and I support that

Fri, 12/23/2016 - 12:46

[= small]Betty, I came across your video on Youtube and it inspired me to write. [/]I hope you don’t mind. You are so right-on and so I just had to write. You probably get millions of these messages so I won't mind if you don't respond.  There is much more to sex in a relationship than just intercourse!

After only a few years it became pretty clear that she had much stronger orgasmic needs than I and that that was not going to change. But we loved and enjoy each other and so decided to try and make it work.  But her need was only going up while mine were going down and just 2 years in, although I didn’t let on that I knew, she was quietly masturbating more and more. She would sometimes leave our bed after she thought I was asleep, walk downstairs to the family room to watch porn and masturbate. She would sometimes come home from work for lunch and masturbate. I knew that because I would find the DVD in the player when I got home.

But I didn’t wish to confront her as I knew she was doing this out of love for me, to remain faithful, yet to still achieve the satisfaction she needed. I wasn’t sure how she would react. I didn’t want to
learn that she needed someone else, someone not me.

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[= small]Long story short, we talked and she finally confessed to me that she began at an early age and masturbated a lot growing up. At first she did it to help relieve her cramps but the pleasure grew and so she masturbated more and more. [/]In fact, her masturbation continued even while she was dating men and having regular, even frequent intercourse.  Even while we dated.  That last point told me that there was much more to her masturbation than just pleasure but that it gave her something different she could not attain from sex alone.  There were different side to her that needed different pleasures.  I could certainly understand her need for it now.  It wasn't at all about wanting
another person in our relation but merely about her orgasmic needs and the intense pleasure she gets from that.  That was a relief for me.

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[= small]She had come across your stuff and she introduced me to it while we talked, along with so much other great information you can get on the internet these days. We discovered masturbation is accepted nowadays, not at all like before, and that it can be a joyful and fulfilling outlet for many couples in our situation. That it's actually become quite common not just for singles but
for couple like us where one partner or the other in a relationship will even take it up as a hobby of sorts. [/]A hobby because it involves sharing experiences, trying out gadgets, attending workshops and group sessions, setting goals, scheduling or dedicating time each day. We both liked the idea and I said I would support her new  hobby if that is what she wanted. I have my own hobby, sailing, and she has always supported me in that. And it’s certainly less costly than sailing! … as Groucho Marx might say.

[= small]Although I masturbate on occasion, it has never been a big “thing” for me. [/]But I know that some
people just need to orgasm and masturbate more than others and I respect that.  We’re all different.  Also, she supports my hobby without question.  My needs, after all, are no more or less important than hers, no matter how different they may be.  However, I can put off sailing for days but I told her that she should not have to abstain from masturbating when her need or want arises.  It’s really a biologic need
after all.

[= small]So it’s been two years now and it has been a blessing for us both. It unexpectedly brought us closer together as it evolved into a hobby we can both share in our own way. [/]She enjoys masturbating and I enjoy watching her and supporting her.  We both do what we enjoy and I get joy from seeing her orgasm and she knows that.

[= small]I renovated our large walk in closet as a room dedicated to masturbation- calming paint and murals of naked Greek bodies and genitals, mirrors, music. Places to sit or lay down in comfort, and a webcam for porn and chat which she enjoys. [/]We’ve gradually filled the shelves with toys I buy for her to try out.

Her hobby has become our shared couple’s activity, with me walking in and out of the room to check on her and encourage her and bring her refreshments while she masturbates or chats on webcam with other masturbators. Having me encourage her in this way has helped her embrace masturbation more deeply than ever and get more out of it.

[= small]Over these two years she has progressed to masturbating a couple hours a day, even multiple times a day more recently. [/]Her orgasms are more powerful and intense than ever and with multiple orgasms, which used to be a rare treat for her.
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[= small]She read about your bodysex workshops and the great value of masturbating with other women and so she connected through an online masturbation club site with two girlfriends in the vicinity with similar interests. They have been coming over our place pretty regularly because of the nice masturbation room I’ve made for her. [/]I leave the room when they are over to give them privacy, but I get joy imagining what they are doing and I can hear them from our family room and that makes me happy.
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[= small]I have to admit, I too have had to masturbate more after she started having girlfriends over and I heard them masturbating together. [/]Something that I would not have expected of myself. I won’t let her know that though as she might be embarrassed and become self-conscious about it. I want for her to feel free and supported to masturbate as much as she wants and needs.